Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
