i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
