also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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