i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
