My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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