Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize