You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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