im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
