don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
