mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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