I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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