Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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