listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
