Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
