I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
