So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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