Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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