Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
