Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
