My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
