ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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