Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
