I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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