Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
