I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
