i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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