Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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