I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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