so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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