i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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