Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
