We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
