just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
