I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
