No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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