I accidentally had phone sex last night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
