I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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