she looked like the before picture.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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