whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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