You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
