I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
