And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When are your genitals available?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
