i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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