Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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