I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
