Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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