my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize