he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
