McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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