so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize