Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
