I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You've changed since you got that strap on
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
