Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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