Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
