I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize