College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize