Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
