We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
