i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
