i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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