Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The Olympian is in my bed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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