I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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