my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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