Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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