u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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