I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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