Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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