if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
