guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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